John Duncan is the bass player in the band. Since he is the bass player, this shall be a tale of unrealized dreams, despair and woe. Ever since he was able to stand and hold a cat, John has always wanted to be a concert cattist. Years of practice and experimentation at home were finally realized in a local performance of Irving Berlin's "Puttin' on the Ritz", using his newly invented electric catphonium. This was met with unanimous disdain and shock. The reviews were not kind. Nor were the police.

Several years later, John was approached by his old cellmate about a business proposition. Lawrence "Big Al" Sampson had "borrowed" a good deal of musical equipment from a downstate business and was trying to sell said instruments for his friends. Big Al had remembered nights spent playing their improvised Rat-O-Matic late into the nights with John while they roomed together. During this time, John met with other so-called musicians, those whose tastes in music were less refined and choice of instruments banal. One day he met with Alex Sosa, undistinguishable from the rest, except for the fact that he lived with five cats. From Little Kitty through Hieronymus down to Hitler, John had never seen a finer set of felines. John agreed that instead of selling Mr. Sosa the bass in his trunk, he would audition for a part in a traditional rock band called Abalone Penguin. Seeing his opportunity to get closer to the cats, John accepted. Since that time, Pixel, Hitler and Marge have moved on, Hieronymus sadly passed in a tagic tuning accident, and Icon is the last remaining cat of the original heavenly quintet. John still has hopes that one day his dreams will be realized, but truth be told, he joined the band for the pussy.