Born the only son of a traveling rain merchant and a supple coal- marm, JC (Just 'Cause) Jordan came into the world with many obvious advantages which for legal reasons we cannot discuss. His first experience in the public eye was as the in-studio entertainment in a group called "Ain't that Special?" on the Dinah Shore show. After several years of being promoted in the underground child star trade, JC managed to escape during a visit to Bangladesh, where a friendly dirt cook baked him into a wedding brick that was shipped to Mongolia for the annual "Soup with Dessert" Festival. Four years later, JC was discovered singing Perry Como songs naked in the jungles of Vietnam. He was traded by Chinese dissidents with the American Embassy for a suitcase full of boxer shorts, which the dissidents mistakenly thought were protective against revolutionary cultures. JC's identity was discovered by a Phrenologist on loan from Bolivia tasked with defending America from the Red Menace. Dr. Banzer was an avid daytime television junky and recognized some of JC's signature dance steps immediately. JC's stint in Abalone Penguin is the culmination of years of painful rehabilitation and reprogramming provided free of charge by the Ladies of the Fighting Jesus Auxiliary, who have lent us his talents for the next twenty seven fortnights.